The New Jutsu
by Abunai Himitsu
Summary: It's been a long time since Naruto returned to Konoha and told Konohamaru of his new perverted Jutsu. Now he just HAS to show it to everyone. WARNING- this is pure crack, KakaNaru is in it ONESHOT


Of Foxtails and Men

A young blonde man walks down the streets of his most beloved village. People were bustling about and working hard. The blonde smiles to himself, he had just gained the title of Chuunin and hadn't really announced it to anyone yet. There was a small gathering of a few friends he was heading to. They were celebrating the return of Uchiha Sasuke by way of the blonde. He chuckled when he thought of how he'd tied the Uchiha to a toad and had the toad hop all the way from Mizukagure to Konohakagure. It was actually quite enjoyable seeing the raven haired man grow nauseous.

"Naruto no Nii-chan!" The blonde barely has time to dodge the ball of energy that rams itself into his chest. "You passed the test! Congratulations!"

"Ahhh… thanks Konohamaru." Naruto chuckles and pats the younger brunette on the head. "Guess you have to catch up again, ne?"

"You bet I will!" Konohamaru smiles widely and falls into step with the Chuunin. "Does anyone know yet?"

"Hnmmm… no… not yet. Unless you count Baa-chan and you." Naruto grins at the pride the boy displays.

The two walk and chatter happily until they reach the restaurant that the party is being held. Sasuke's sitting at the head of the table with Sakura, Sai and Kakashi. Naruto's smile fades slightly as he recalls having almost lost the copy-cat ninja. Konohamaru sits next to Shikamaru, Chouji and Ino and start talking happily to Ino. The boy had a slight crush on the woman. Neji and TenTen sit on either side of Lee and Gai, keeping alcohol of any form away from Lee. Kiba and Hinata were blushing lightly as Shino and Kurenai insinuated that the two were dating.

Naruto chuckled a little; Hinata had given up on Naruto after she saw the blonde crying over Kakashi's body. She saw how much the, now Chuunin, ninja loved the Jounin and put everything she had into saving him for Naruto. From then on, Hinata and Naruto grew fairly close and Naruto owed her his life. A few others sprawled out around the table talked and laughed. Sasuke himself seemed rather annoyed with Sai. Originally, everyone thought the two would get along famously after Sasuke returned. However, that was not the case. The moment Sasuke called Naruto a name, Sai relentless tormented the Uchiha.

"You're a Chuunin! Finally!" Iruka laughs from beside Gai.

"Thanks, Iruka-sensei." Naruto chuckles and receives praise from several others.

"Naruto…" Kakashi waves to the blonde and motions for him to come and sit down.

Naruto smiles happily and wanders over to sit next to his former teacher, now lover. They begin to eat and Naruto and Chouji get into a manic food war. Of course, Chouji wins, but Naruto laughs when Chouji suddenly gasps and reaches for water. Naruto had put wasabi on the last piece of meat and cooked it, melting the wasabi into an invisible sauce. Everyone laughs as well and calm down. Then, Konohamaru jumps from his spot and stands at the end of the table.

"NARUTO NO NII-CHAN!!!" Konohamaru points at Naruto accusingly. "YOU HAVEN'T SHOWN ANYONE THAT JUTSU YET!?!?!"  
"Eh?" Naruto blinks confusedly at the boy.

"Huh? What Jutsu?" Kakashi asks curiously.

"You're a Chuunin now and you haven't shown anyone that Jutsu since you got here! You keep bragging and bragging about it, but I have yet to see it! IS IT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT CAN'T TOP MINE!?!" Konohamaru finishes smugly.

"He's talking about that new perverted Jutsu." Sakura says disgustedly.

"Oooooh! That!" Naruto chuckles and grins. "Well, I have been back for three years and haven't shared it. Besides, I've completely perfected it now."

"What exactly is this Jutsu, Naruto?" Shikamaru drawls out in irritation.

"The best perverted Jutsu ever created, guaranteed to make any girl and any guy swoon. That's primarily why I don't use it, it took me long enough to recover when I saw myself in the mirror." Naruto smiles and sets his napkin on the table.

"If it's so great, why haven't you shown anyone it, yet!?" Konohamaru pouts.

"And why haven't you shown me?" Kakashi asks dejectedly.

"Probably so you wouldn't attack him more than you do now, Kakashi-senpai." Yamato points out.

"C'mon Naruto, show us the Jutsu!" Kiba shouts and is followed by a chorus of "Yeahs".

"Alright, alright… but don't say I didn't warn you." Naruto looks over at Sasuke and Sakura. "And you two just remember that I tied Sasuke to a toad for pure entertainment when he was willing to return after I beat him."

Sakura and Sasuke both allow a twitch to settle in their eyebrows at the statement. Sakura had nearly hospitalized the blonde when they entered Konoha's gates. Sasuke was not too thrilled either after the world stopped moving up and down. Naruto stands from the table and takes his place where Konohamaru stands, stating that he might have to make a quick getaway. The group laughs in disbelief and sarcasm that the Jutsu could be that good. Naruto smiles brightly and brings his hands up to perform the necessary hand seal.

"Youko no Jutsu!" Naruto prompts and is immediately engulfed by smoke.

When the smoke clears, most of Naruto's clothes are gone. The only thing that remains is the black Chuunin shirt and it's oversized now, or it's because the man's frame is smaller. Two reddish and furry fox ears appear amidst the golden hair that crowns the man's head. A reddish tail swishes its way into visibility and moves from side to side behind Naruto. The blue eyes are a little larger and glisten brightly, there's red that surrounds the eyes like makeup. The blonde's hands hold the black shirt over his nether regions and a blush adorns his cheeks.

The group sits there stunned and no one blinks once. Naruto knows that only part of this Jutsu is his appearance. He kneels down and crawls up to the table, leaning over it slightly. His blue eyes settle squarely on his silver haired lover across the surface. He pouts slightly, tilting his head to the side with his ears laying flat against his head. A gentle almost sad whimper escapes the blonde. At that precise moment, every single person at the table jumps up towards the blonde. Naruto yelps and jumps up, running out of the restaurant.

The Jutsu is released as he steps out of the building, but the crowd's still chasing him. Naruto panics and bolts down the streets of Konoha. This was not exactly how he wanted to spend his first day as a Chuunin. He doesn't head home and instead produces several clones each of them splitting up. The real Naruto hiding in an alleyway as several people jog past. A second later, arms slip around his waist and Naruto smiles when he recognizes it's Kakashi.

"I think I need to see that Jutsu again… with my Sharingan… in my bedroom." Naruto laughs at his lover and grins as they make their way to Kakashi's home.

* * *

Dear lord... I couldn't resist. Has anyone else noticed that Naruto mentions this new perverted Jutsu, but never gets the chance to reveal it?

Yeah, that's where my crack came from. ENJOY! XD


End file.
